Not exactly poo.....

...but should have been.

I've got no reaction to hot food, infact I've got completely asbestos inards. So I can eat what I want, raw chillis, vindaloo etc, and have very little ill effect. It doesn't even burn on the way out, until..........

On bank holiday monday the missus and I sat down for a curry and a few pints to watch the Snooker final after a hard day watching the kids cycle around the park. I had a Vindaloo and about 5 pints of Caffreys.
Trouble was, I was completely dehydrated, it having been a somewhat mad weekend, and I'd drank very little other fluid than beer. We go to bed at about 12 and at about 5 in the morning I wake needing a piss.
So I rise sleepily and head towards the toilet. In a half asleep state I begin my urination at the toilet when all of a sudden I'm snapped wide awake by the worst burning sensation I've ever experienced coming from my knob! I was screaming in pain and holding on to the cistern for dear life as I passed what could only be described as Vindaloo piss. Ouch! After several pints of water it seemed to calm down but I was on edge everytime I went for a piss for the rest of the day.

Apologies for the length and complete off topic-ness of the post.

Still-born foal

I once stopped off for supplies at Tesco Superstore in Luton whilst on a long car journey with my girlfriend and sister.

They went to use the ladies, and both came out white faced but laughing. Apparently one of the cubicles was blocked with the largest single stool either of them had ever seen. A single shite as thick as a babies arm, round the u-bend at one end and nearly up to the rim at the other. This is in the *ladies* loo, remember.

So we went to customer services and told the harrassed lady behind the counter who told us that this was the fourth or fifth complaint she'd received in the last hour and she'd been trying to flush it away for ages.

"There's only one thing for it" she said, and pulled on some blue rubber gloves. We watched in amazement as she picked a knife and fork out of the canteen cutlery trolley and went to slice it into flushable chunks. Ick!

So don't use the cutlery in Luton Tescos!

I was taking a shower

And I ripped the loudest, nastiest smelling, wet fart... When I looked down at the drain, there was about a 6 inch log of a shit sliding down the tub into the drain. I turned the shower head on massage (Really fast water shoot) and shot the shit out of the shit.. It went down the drain. I finished my shower, got like 15 vanilla candles and sprayed Lysol OUST for about a minute just to kill the smell.

EDIT: Another one - Reading University. Third toilet from the left. Two foot log. Me. Proud.

EDIT 2: Yet another one - During lunch at Reading University, we got these little chocolate milk things that you could open like you would a half gallon of milk. Anyway, my friend got up to get another slice of pizza. When he left, I chugged all of his chocolate milk (I had yellow-brown piss later that day) and put chocolate laxatives in place.
The bastard drank the whole thing.
Shat his pants in the middle of Spanish Class. Spanish teacher said "FUCK! GET OUT OF SCHOOL AND GET SOME SHORTS ON AND NEW UNDERPANTS!" He did say fuck, although I doubt he realized it.


I was thinking cambridge university. I hear a lot about it. I go to Reading university (Not in Europe.)